Last Night

Last night was the first night in the past 3 months that I slept without being nervous and scared. While Andy was in the hospital, I had my phone next on my pillow in case of emergency. Throughout the night, if Tiffany were to send us an update, my phone will buzz and I will wake up instantly to check the email to make sure they were ok. My phone didn't buzz last night.

When I woke up this morning, the wave of sadness hit me hard. It reminded me that I didn't receive an update last night, that I no longer will. Chris Tomlin song instantly came to mind, "Better is one day in your court. Better is one day in your house. Better is one day in your court than thousands elsewhere." I believe that is God reminding me to trust Him that Andy is in a great, perfect place. I just have to wait to see my friend again. For those of you who know me, patience is something I constantly struggle with. I'm amazed that God is teaching, reaching out to me in so many ways to make me more like Him, even during this difficult time.

I had an urge to call Andy's cell to hear his voice in his voicemail. But I didn't freak out his family since we already know not to call his phone. I wish he had more time. I wish I visited him more often. I wish I could have been there for his family and Tiffany more. Time is so precious. I recall attending a service at Saddleback called "One Month to Live." Pastor Doug Fields mentioned that if we were to have one month to live, what would we do differently. What would you do differently? Why haven't you done it yet? That service changed my life and it continues to shape me daily. During your busy daily life, please make time for your family, your friends, your ministry. Every second counts.

Often we ask "why?" I came across this today and I hope it will help you during the time you are lost and hurt. http://www.everystudent.com/journeys/why.html